what the hell. i thought Kahlan was the Mother Confessor. apparently she’s not, and this strange chick appearing from nowhere with an entourage and a night wisp is. i thought at least Kahlan’s mother was the Mother Confessor. is that true in the series?
the Mother Confessor, in her infinite wisdom has decided to round up her surviving Confessors and evacuate to a hidden island. this, naturally, will not jive with Kahlan, as she is of the Richard School of fight, don’t run. ah, the Mother chick just wanted to give Kahlan the choice. all that is left of the Confessors is the Mother and her couple of side kicks. one lost a hand to Nass, who is taking trophies.
suddenly some random guy appears looking for Kahlan’s dead sister (from the pilot episode) … only the sister can’t be dead if this guy is still under her Confessor power.
so Kahlan must find her and rescue her.
why do Confessors have such impractically long sleeves? they must catch on everything.
speaking of sleeves, Zedd just regrew that Confessor chick’s hand.
oh, so their plan is to disguise Kahlan as a Mord-Sith and walk right in. yeh. this is going to work well.
Kahlan zaps the warden and gets her to her sister.
her pregnant sister. let me guess… Rahl is the father and it’s going to be a boy. they’ll fight over whether or not it’s too dangerous to keep it alive, thus imparting certain information to us, the viewers:
1. Rahl wants a powerful male heir
2. sons of Confessors are too dangerous to let live
3. the combination of the Rahl line and the Confessor line is way too fuckin risky to let live
i hope this is the point of the episode, or something equally informative. otherwise, it’d be a waste.
and Nass is arriving soon ready to take the kid once it’s born to Rahl, who wants to raise a Confessor in his own image.
and Rahl isn’t the father, the random guy from the woods is. *yawn*
Nass arrives at the prison and the warden tries to kill him. Nass realizes what happened.
that night, the chick has the baby, but of course, it’s a complicated birth and Richard is the one with the obstetric know how to get the job done right.
and voila, instant baby.
and Richard announces triumphantly “it’s a boy”
and everyone looks horrified.
Richard: What’s wrong?
Mother Confessor: The child must die.
yup. i called it.
oh, and there’s a whole ritual to drown the child because male confessors cannot control their power.
cue Mother Confessor’s story time. she had a boy once, raised him in secret and then had to kill him at age 11 because he was evil.
Richard is willing to put up a fight to save the kid.
D’Haran’s are on their way. Nass finds where they spilled some of the ritual water and knows that a boy was born. he’s tweaking to bring Rahl a boy, cause that would like make his day.
while Richard was misleading the D’Harans, Kahlan let the guy [i don't know his name. Kahlan's sister's confessed guy, the baby's father] take the baby to kill it. Richard is pissed that Kahlan betrayed her promise not to do anything while he was gone. Richard runs out to save the baby.
Richard is playing mind games with the confessed father, convincing him that even tho he was ordered to drown the baby, that she really didn’t want it. and so Richard takes the baby and promises to protect it. so the confessed guy goes back to his mistress and was like, i thought that’s what you wanted.
Kahlan goes after Richard alone while the rest continue on to the coast to go to their safe island.
wait. the newborn infant is hungry. so richard shaves up a bit of cucumber(?) and squeezes the juice through some cheesecloth and suddenly the baby is no longer hungry. what the hell?
he wants to take the kid to the sisters of the light. Kahlan ain’t down with that.
anyhow, Zedd and Mother Confessor show up. Mother Confessor takes drastic measures by confessing Zedd, so he’ll do her bidding and forcibly take the kid. this means the Mother Confessor ain’t going to survive the episode because we know Zedd can’t stay under her power.
Zedd Vs Richard. pyrotechnics ensue. who knew the sword could deflect flames? Zedd wins.
Kahlan gives the child to Mother Confessor to save Richard.
then the other Confessors have a change of heart and find Richard and Kahlan to help… but it’s too late… or is it?
Richard goes to Nass so the Confessors can confess a couple of his men and thus increase their numbers. what? she just confessed Nass. That’s certainly not the circumstances that she confessed him in the book.
so Nass and men distract Zedd while the others go after Mother Confessor.
Zedd burns Nass to a crisp.
the child’s father sneaks up behind Mother Confessor and kills her, saving the kid.
the other Confessors elect Kahlan to be Mother Confessor.
Kahlan’s sister with the baby go off to the secret island to hopefully raise the kid in peace where he won’t grow up to be an evil menace while the other Confessors stay in the Midlands to be a force of good.

as far as non-canon episodes go, this wasn’t too bad. at least it served the purpose of explaining that male confessors aren’t suppose to live… but then it defeated the purpose of that by letting it live. but really, the show is owned by Disney; no way Disney would kill a baby.

well, at least i wasn’t completely wrong in my predictions.
next week looks like another non-canon episode.