yesterday i watched all four indiana jones movies from beginning to end. let’s see how they stack up.

raiders of the lost ark -

opening action- one of the most well known movie sequences ever. people who have never seen indiana jones know rolling boulder = indiana jones. and it’s right there in the beginning. the stage for the Indy vs Belloq rivalry is set.

lead female- Marion Ravenwood. She can drink. She’s not afraid to fight. She stands up to the bad guys. Sure, she made mistakes and got captured, but she didn’t sit and cry about it and wait to be rescued. Of course, she didn’t manage to escape, but she tried.

side kick(s)- Sallah, the ever reliable Egyptian excavator. He helps Indy and Marion while providing the occasion comedic moment. And is non-annoying.

nemesis- First we have Belloq the rival archeologist. He’s the anti-Indiana Jones. He’s smart, good with the lady’s and is morally ambiguous.
Toht, he’s the squinty Nazi enforcer with the glasses. sinister, and one dimensional, he puts a face to the evil of the Nazis.
Colonel Dietrich, another one dimensional evil Nazi. He’s the driving force behind the bad guys here.

grand finale- they open the ark… they don’t make special effects like that anymore. nowadays it would all be CGI. i, for one, like old school special effects. those flying spirits were actual people they filmed and thus look more realistic than any CGI flying spirits i’ve ever seen. even the melting face, which while it wasn’t an actual melting face, was a real melting something that physically had to be filmed. there’s something more realistic about a real filmed something vs a CGI something.

resolution- the arc sent to some far off army warehouse and the museum and Indy get a big paid out. Indy and Marion walk off together. nice. it fit.

pros- Marion, menacing antagonists, rollicking adventure, the boulder scene, Indy showing up at Marion’s bar, the snake pit, the chase through Cairo

cons- can’t think of any right now, but i’m sure there’s something

temple of doom -

opening action- silly silly dance number which leads into a wacky fight scene in a Shanghai night club. meh. it serves the purpose of introducing us to Willie, the annoying woman.

lead female- Willie is my least favorite Indiana Jones character. she’s whiny and screams incessantly. i never understood what Indy saw in her. if by the end she’d grown a bit and learned to help herself she could have been redeemed slightly. but she doesn’t change. from beginning to end she cries for help. shut up, already.

side kick(s)- Short Round, the kid sidekick. he helps in a fight and he’s the one who saves Indy from the evil priest’s voodoo magic. he’s useful. i lost count of how many times Indy told him to “go get our stuff”

nemesis- Mola Ram, the evil priest: he’s evil and scary and will rip your heart out with his bare hands.

Thuggee cult, they’ve enslaved children to dig for the lost stones and they gleefully sacrifice people to a firey pit after their priest rips their living heart from their chest. oooo. scary.

grand finale- Short Round wakes Indy from his Thuggee trance, big fight ensues, they save Willie, rescue the children, then there’s the mine car chase, then the flood, then the confrontation on the rope bridge where they are at last rescued by the British army.

resolution- they return the lost stone to the village, and Indy and Willie smooch. cringe.

pros- jumping from an airplane in a rubber raft, dinner at the palace, the tunnel of bugs, the mine car chase, the rope bridge scene

cons- the opening musical number, Willie’s constant whining, Short Round magically wakes up Indy by burning him

last crusade -

opening action- young Indiana Jones encounter looters and tries to take their treasure adamant that it belongs in a museum. we see where he gets his penchant for bull whip and fedora. alas, the bad guys get away with the cross, but years later, adult Indy gets it back.

lead female- Dr. Else Schneider. She’s smart and can take care of herself. not annoying. too bad she turns out to be with the Nazis.

side kick(s)- Marcus Brody- he’s only partly useless. he’s got book smarts, but is useless in a fight. mostly there for comic relief.
Sallah, Indy’s Egyptian buddy is back to help.
Dr. Henry Jones Sr. i’m putting him in the sidekick category.

nemesis- Donovan, working with the Nazis for his own reasons. he’s greedy and wants the grail for himself.
Else Schneider, same as Donovan. she’s a Nazi of convenience. just wants the grail.

grand finale- Indy makes it past the booby traps with the help of his father’s grail diary, only to have Donovan and Else follow behind him. Donovan drinks from the wrong cup, (Else turned on him). Indy chooses the right cup and saves his dad, then Else goes and gets greedy and takes the grail past the seal. chaos ensues, Elsa dies, good guys live.

resolution- father and sun having reconciled, they all ride off into the sunset.

pros- opening sequence with young Indy, Indy and his father,  when Dr Jones Sr shoots the tail of the plane and blames the bad guys, Marcus lost in a foreign country, the motorcycle chase, the tank chase

cons- the lack of logic in the Venice catacomb scene (i know i have to suspend disbelief here, but please. wouldn’t Venice sewers/catacombs be completely flooded? and how can Indy open his eyes in under there? whether it’s petrol or sewage, it can’t be good for the eyes)

kingdom of the crystal skull -

opening action- Indy is kidnapped by Russians to find something in an army warehouse. and not just any army warehouse, but the one where the ark is. only they’re not looking for the ark, instead an apparent alien corpse. in the end, the Russians get the alien body, Indy’s friend turns out to be a traitor, and Indy narrowly escapes a nuclear test by hiding in a lead lined refrigerator.

lead female- Marion Ravenwood. glad to see her back

side kick(s)- Mutt, aka Henry Jones III.  how cute, he named himself after a dog, just like his father. why did he have to keep fixing his hair? at least he proved useful most of the time.
Oxley, the crazy guy whose cryptic messages lead them to the alien temple place.

nemesis- Irina Spalko, soviet paranormal lady. intelligent and ruthless. more mean than evil.
Mac, the traitor. first he betrays Indy, then he pretends to be a double agent and help Indy, only to betray him again.

grand finale- they return the crystal skull to the alien body, the trans-dimensional portal opens up, Spalko’s brain is fried, Mac gets sucked into oblivion, Indy & friends make it out okay and watch the temple place be swallowed by the river.

resolution- Indy and Marion get married.

pros- the call backs to raiders & last crusade & young indy chronicles, jungle chase, return of Marion

cons- ant scene, Mutt’s obsession with his hair

after careful deliberation, here is how I rank the Indiana Jones movies in order of superiority:

the top spot goes to-

Raiders of the Lost Ark
no surprise there. it’s one of my favorite movies of all time.

Last Crusade
the only one of the Indiana Jones Movies that I originally saw in the movie theater. it is a very close second.

Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
better than i thought it would be after all i’ve heard about it. probably because i had low expectations. but i’ve always liked Marion and thought years ago that they should make another Indy movie where he had a son.

and lastly

Temple of Doom
don’t get me wrong, i like the movie. but my god, Willie nearly ruins it for me.